The Double-edged Sword of Envy

 

 

 

The Double-edged Sword of Envy by Vicky L. Oldham, July 13, 2021

Envy, depending upon whether it acts as a positive or negative force, either motivates individuals to reach for greater achievements (by striving to imitate or surpass standards set by others) or threatens an individual's self-worth and confidence with the destructive pain of resentment.  Besides holding onto thoughts of envy and coveting what others have, the assumption that someone else's life is most certainly better, more successful, more prosperous, or more fulfilled may be sadly mistaken.  The saying, "beware of what you wish for—you may just get it," foreshadows the misguided belief that something out of reach could bring happiness.  The companion adage, "the grass is always greener on the other side," aptly describes the wistful longings of those convinced that others possess something they need (despite the fact the grass is just as green everywhere).  The simple desire to want something others have may seem benign, but unbridled envy often leads to self-destructive behavior and toxic relationships.  Without question, there is a starkly dark side to all-consuming envy. 

At the age of 10, I spontaneously blurted out to my mother, "I wish I could be Penny Duncan!"  Penny was a girl in my fourth-grade class who I deemed perfect in every way.  She was beautiful with long straight brown hair (mine was curly and unruly), popular (compared to me, the "new girl" in the class, having just moved to the area), and everyone seemed to like her. My mother reacted instantly and harshly, and it shocked me to hear her chide: "Don't ever say that ever again. Never say you want to be someone else!" I immediately felt ashamed, firstly because she was usually so good-natured and now so displeased, but mostly because I didn't understand why I was wrong.

By my teenage years, from high school into college, the idea of being like Penny Duncan (let alone becoming the one-and-only Penny Duncan) had faded from my thoughts.  A different clique of girls now dominated the high school social scene, and I had an older boyfriend with whom I spent most of my free time.  I played guitar and sang at the weekend coffee houses and felt glad to be far away from those awkward elementary school days.  I realized, looking back, that I had experienced envy because I thought I wasn't capable of meeting certain social expectations in the fifth grade. I felt inept and limited.  Thanks to my mother's strong reaction, one that I will never forget, I eventually learned why feelings of envy only served to undermine one's sense of value and self-worth.

Envy is a complicated emotion that most everyone experiences because, according to scientists, it is a factor of human nature inscribed into our DNA, thanks to our evolutionary heritage.  Envy casts light on aspects of human nature and reflects our biological connection to other living things.  Often perceived as a manifestation of the heart and the seat of human emotion, envy may also represent the outcome of natural selection, the result of pressure upon living things to seek what is needed to survive proactively (Ramachandran & Jalal, 2017).  An animal strives to acquire food, shelter, mates, and social status to ensure its continuity as an individual and species.  Researchers have confirmed that animals, including dogs, apes, and birds express envy when they perceive unfairness. An article in Science Daily reports that dogs experience "a simple form of envy" (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2008, para. 1).  Anyone with more than one dog doesn't require controlled experiments to learn what they already know first-hand: that their dogs enthusiastically steal each other's treats and toys and jealously clamor for their owner's special attention.

Although envy and its close relative, jealously, are behaviors observed in humans and higher animals, the distinction between them comes down to the difference between what one does not have (envy), compared to defending what one already has (jealousy) (Merriam-Webster, n.d.).  In humans, the most destructive states of envy and jealously are seen in romantic relationships.  Many episodes of Investigation Discovery feature crime stories related to spousal cheating (Discovery Communications LLC, n.d.).  Envy and jealousy often spiral out of control, leading to unforeseen and dire consequences.

In contemporary society, individuals are often encouraged to become envious of others through a variety of influences.  Commercially oriented messages are notorious for promoting envy of others' looks, health, privilege, status, property, and romantic partners.  However, rather than expanding one's horizons, envy often limits choice and quality of life, resulting in personality disfunction and failed relationships.

Envy and its consequences have often been the subject of classical Greek mythology, religious texts, and world literature.  Ed Sanders's (2014) study entitled "Envy and Jealousy in Classical Athens: A Socio-Psychological Approach" explains Aristotle's view of envy.  To describe envy, he used the word "zêlos," referring to "pain at someone else's good fortune" (p. 60).  The Greeks conceived envy differently than our current view.  Instead of a single state of mind, envy was part of a spectrum of accompanying emotions and responses.  For example, the desire for something that someone else possesses may relate to inward personal pain or outward manifestations of resentment and hostility.

Envy is named among the "seven deadly sins" in Roman Catholic theology (Encyclopedia Britannica, n.d.).  Writing on the topic of envy, author Joseph Epstein (2003) asserts that "Envy clouds thought, clobbers generosity, precludes any hope of serenity, and ends in shriveling the heart" (book preview). The Inferno by Dante described how human souls are affected by the sin of envy, and Botticelli illustrates this idea, showing figures gripped with envy, their eyes sewn shut.  They suffer in purgatory, awaiting purification from sin before admission to heaven (Films Media Group, 2001, 00:34:00). The Bible addresses the sin of envy in Proverbs 14:30: "A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones" (Biblia, n.d.).  The story of Cain and Abel is another famous Bible story that stresses the worst consequences of envy.

Envy and jealousy have long threatened harmony in family relationships.  Sibling rivalry spins out of control when children perceive that a parent chooses a favorite, as in the story of Cain and Abel.  I have experienced envy between siblings and have also been the target of envy. I have a sister with whom I cannot share excitement about my life or good fortune.  If I do, she negatively reacts, sometimes suspending communication for long durations.  As a result, when we talk, I find myself scrutinizing my words, careful not to share anything "good" that could be misinterpreted as boasting.  For years, my sister lavished praise on individuals she barely knows in my presence but resisted reacting positively to accomplishments by family members.  I believe she suffered deeply from feelings of envy for a very long time, even though I could not imagine why, thinking that ever since we were young, she "had it all," by comparison.  I realize now that I was wrong.  After decades of harboring what seems most likely to be the pain of envy, with accompanying feelings of inadequacy and resentment, she recently experienced a severe mental breakdown.

Conclusion

Envy may be viewed either as a feature of the human heart or an adaptive biological tool necessary for the survival of humankind.  Humans may one day find ways to master destructive emotions and negative behaviors stemming from envy with the potential to cure a variety of mental and physical ills on the horizon.  However, depending on how envy is processed psychologically, it may encourage the achievement of higher goals.  Writing for Psychology Today, Dr. Neel Burton (2020) expands on this idea:

" Ultimately, envy is a question of attitude. When we come across someone who is better or more successful than we are, we can react with indifference, joy, admiration, envy, or emulation" (para. 18).

Envy may also function as a social equalizer because it continually creates new challenges to personal growth.  Children, striving to be like their parents, copy and emulate them.  Later in life, the desire to excel in education, sports, careers, and creative pursuits moves the goalposts to match or surpass others who serve as role models.  Perhaps there's a positive, survival purpose to envy, after all, fueling the development of an evolving society where all can benefit from shared values and accomplishments.

References

Biblia (n.d.). The new King James version [Holy Bible]. Biblia.

https://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/proverbs/14/30

Britannica, T. Editors of Encyclopaedia (n.d.). Seven deadly sins. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/seven-deadly-sins

Burton, N. (2020, May 2). The psychology and philosophy of envy. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201408/the-psychology-and-philosophy-envy

Films Media Group. (2001). The divine comedy: visions of violence and beauty. [Video]. Films On Demand. https://digital.films.com/PortalPlaylists.aspx?wID=105280&xtid=29985

Epstein, J. (2003). Envy: the seven deadly sins. [Book preview]. Oxford University Press. https://books.google.com/books/about/Envy.html?id=mz9RDAAAQBAJ&source=kp_book_description

Investigation Discovery (n.d.). (Cable show about crime). [Television]. Discovery Communications LLC. https://www.investigationdiscovery.com/

Merriam-Webster (n.d.). Envy. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/envy

Merriam-Webster (n.d.). Jealousy. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jealousy  

Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (2008, December 9). Dogs feel envy, Austrian study finds. ScienceDaily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081209091945.htm

Ramachandran, V. S., & Jalal, B. (2017). The evolutionary psychology of envy and jealousy. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1619. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01619

Sanders, E. (2014). Envy and jealousy in classical Athens: a socio-psychological approach. Oxford University Press.